Here Am I

Isaiah 6:8 (NLT)

Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.”


Reflection

I can count on one hand the times I've told God I wouldn't do something. The thing is, He didn't even ask me to do it; I just made it up in my mind that there was one thing in life I would never, ever do—the ministry.

A little backstory: I grew up a PK (pastor's kid), and I hated it. I was always held to a standard that no other kid faced. Once, a Sunday school teacher even told me I should have all the scriptures memorized because my dad was the pastor. As a kid, that infuriated me and made me avoid memorization throughout my entire life. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

The other drawback of being a PK, and I'm not sure if this is true for other PKs, was being privy to all the drama behind the scenes of a small church. Let me tell you, there was a lot. It gave me a dark view of the church, making it seem like any ordinary worldly business. My protective nature toward my family, coupled with wanting to fight anyone with something bad to say about them, fueled a lot of anger in my heart toward the church as a whole.

So, one day, I made up my mind and told God that I would never be an integral part of the church—not an elder, deacon, member, staff… nothing. My life for the next many years, living without genuinely seeking God, was very difficult.

Then I moved to Lancaster and started attending The Tree. What I saw was a church built on God and His teachings—a healthy church that, while still dealing with difficulties in a sinful world, provided a safe place to help heal people.

At that point, I felt a fire in my heart to work there, a flame that eventually turned into a consuming fire. I had been doing freelance design work for them for years, so I asked my brother (lead pastor Matthew Johnson) about the possibility of working there, and he said in his most loving way, "Not a chance." I am his older brother, and he didn’t want things between us to ever become awkward.

But that fire never left. I continued to work on myself, and it was at that point I started to pray to God that I wanted Him to use me in any way He could.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, a little while later I was asked to come onto The Tree full-time staff. One year later, and this is the best job and life I could have ever asked for.

I'm not sure if my life would have been much different if I hadn't told God I wouldn't do something, but I like to imagine that when I told Him what I would or wouldn't do, He said, "Okay, we'll see."

God isn't necessarily going to call everyone into full-time ministry, but as Christians, we're all called to minister to everyone. Our hearts need to be open to whatever God wants from us, with an attitude of saying yes to whatever path He calls us down.

Believe me, the other path is not something you want to test out.


Action Steps

Is there an area in your life where you have told God no? If so, it’s time to give that area to Him and open your heart to what He wants for you. Ask God to soften your heart to whatever He has to say to you and then be quiet and listen. Make this an everyday pattern of your life as God has His own way and time of doing things. It will never be according to our schedule. But I promise you, He will speak to you.


Prayer
 
God, if there is an area in my life that is preventing me from doing Your will or wanting what You want for me, please open my eyes so I can see, and soften my heart so I may follow. Help give me the strength every day to pursue You and Your will for my life. Amen.